Fighting Liquid Apartheid

Supposedly I have inspired my trusty friend Jonathan to stop drinking Pepsi Cola and eat only organic "all natural" foods. Thus far I have noticed his skin seems less pallid, his energy more robust, and his brains...sharp like a Master Ren Thai Chi Swordfight. Here are some of Jonathan's own words regarding his cleanse...
Day 1:
Woke up hungover as shit ate some bacon and a little bit of pancakes before feeling like puking. Vowed to start the organic experiment.
Got a candy bar and Pepsi on the way to the organic food store.
Bought organic food: lots of sweets—cookies, soda, etc., sandwich fixings, pasta, apples (non-local), a bunch of tea because none of the organic soda was caffeinated, some juice, etc.
It was fucking expensive, like $40 for two little bags
Finished the Pepsi on the way home, and had an organic cookie and an organic sandwich. Pretty good.
Day 2:
Had organic yogurt for breakfast.
Went to Wild Oats again for more supplies. Bought organic mustard (I had used non organic mustard on my sandwich the previous day). Got some more drinks, chips/salsa, cream cheese, and a lot of juices. Fucking $90 for two full bags.
I had a fully organic sandwich and then another, with an organic apple and some organic granola bars.
I think I'm starting to feel a little better mentally. More stable. It could all be psychosomatic. I'm also farting a lot.
Day 3.
Had some yogurt for breakfast. Some pita/hummus. The organic soda tastes like 9V batteries. I drink it anyway. I make a bag lunch for the first time since maybe I went to an amusement park one time and did that. Sandwich, apple, granola bar, organic soda, berry white tea.
Got thru my first job, then was driving my Burger King on my way to my second when I got a horrible craving for Chicken Fries (which are fantastic). I went into work and cheated on my organic diet with 5 mystery pretzels and Philadelphia cream cheese. Someone told me it was good and I rationalized that I should try it. I have to remember to pack a larger lunch.
Day 4:
Had organic waffles with organic syrup for breakfast. The waffles were made with hemp seed oil…..burnouts.
Did laundry with my roommate and she took me to the organic coffee shop. I had a peanut butter cookie (mad good) and a Columbia Gorge Organic Orange Juice, which is the best orange juice I've ever had. It's absolutely amazing.
Had an organic sandwich for lunch.
Went to Wild Oats (again, 3 times in 4 days) to buy supplies for cooking dinner. I bought organic vine tomatoes which were not local, even though they were the same price and looked just as good, I had just already gotten the other tomatoes and I was too lazy/embarrassed to switch everything around. I got organic LOCAL shallots, organic peppers and fresh organic thyme. Also bought fully organic pasta. Saw the Columbia Gorge orange juice in the store and wanted to buy a jug of it but it was so ridiculously expensive, like $8 for a liter. Got away easy this time, one bag for $25.
Cooked pasta with sauce from scratch. Cheated a bit by using non-organic olive oil to fry the shallots and unstick the spaghetti, as well as kosher salt, non-organic pepper, chili pepper and oregano. I forgot to buy organic garlic or even put any non-organic garlic into the sauce and I hate myself for that. The food was ok, but not nearly as good as Columbia Gorge organic orange juice.
I feel a little more bounce in my step, maybe, I'm not sure whether it's the organic food or just being more healthy. I'm still farting like crazy. They're these weird old man farts, kind of stale, and they sneak up on me and then burst out dramatically without any sound. It reminds me of outerspace.
Day 5:
Put organic cream cheese on organic bread for breakfast. Also grabbed one of those amazing orange juices from the coffee shop. Had an organic soda at work.
Had an organic sandwich and lots of organic cookies for dinner. I'm starting to feel a bit sluggish and I think I've been smoking more cigarettes.
My farts have started to smell like that weird plant at the botanical gardens. You know the one.
This Jones Organics white tea is getting me twisted. I'm not sure I can even go to my second job.
Had to resist the urge to eat a Jolly Rancher at work, I was so burnt out and tired, I really wanted a pick-me-up. I grabbed a Jolly Rancher and was unraveling it as I read "artificially flavored". I set it down.